𝐋𝐨𝐯𝐞, 𝐇𝐨𝐧𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐑𝐞𝐬𝐩𝐞𝐜𝐭 𝐈𝐧 𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐫𝐢𝐚𝐠𝐞𝐬

In my considered opinion, these are the central issues that shape marriages, regardless of their direction.

𝑸𝒖𝒊𝒕𝒆 𝒐𝒇𝒕𝒆𝒏, 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒔𝒆 𝒓𝒐𝒍𝒆𝒔 𝒐𝒓 𝒊𝒔𝒔𝒖𝒆𝒔 𝒂𝒓𝒆 𝒆𝒊𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒓 𝒕𝒓𝒊𝒗𝒊𝒂𝒍𝒊𝒛𝒆𝒅, 𝒑𝒍𝒂𝒚𝒆𝒅 𝒊𝒏 𝒓𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒓𝒔𝒆 𝒐𝒓𝒅𝒆𝒓 𝒐𝒓 𝒔𝒊𝒎𝒑𝒍𝒚 𝒔𝒆𝒆𝒏 𝒊𝒏 𝒂 𝒍𝒊𝒏𝒆𝒂𝒓 𝒐𝒓𝒅𝒆𝒓.

I will take time to explain what I meant, but first, let me attempt to define each of these three concepts.

𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄
This is the most often used word in marriages. It is a (deep?) appreciation or expression of innate affection and feelings for one another. It is the gateway or the opening word in attracting and accepting each other in a relationship.

𝗢𝗳 𝗰𝗼𝘂𝗿𝘀𝗲, 𝗶𝘁 𝗶𝘀 𝗯𝗼𝘁𝗵 𝗮 𝗳𝗲𝗲𝗹𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗮𝗻 𝗮𝗰𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻 𝘄𝗼𝗿𝗱.
Debates abound on how it should be expressed. Some think it has to be verbalized all the time. Others view it as an action word that is better conveyed through our actions rather than our words. The latter anchored their argument on the popular saying that “action speaks louder than words”. They also justified their position by affirming that “talk is cheap,” but action is hardly mistaken.
While my intention is not to evaluate each position or take sides with any, it is just to set the tone properly that individual differences exist in the matter of what love is and how it should be expressed.

𝑺𝒄𝒓𝒊𝒑𝒕𝒖𝒓𝒂𝒍𝒍𝒚 𝒔𝒑𝒆𝒂𝒌𝒊𝒏𝒈, 𝒕𝒉𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝒊𝒔 𝒂 𝒔𝒕𝒓𝒐𝒏𝒈 𝒄𝒐𝒎𝒎𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒂𝒃𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝒍𝒐𝒗𝒆, 𝒘𝒉𝒐 𝒔𝒉𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒅 𝒍𝒐𝒗𝒆 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒘𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒇𝒐𝒓𝒎𝒂𝒕 𝒍𝒐𝒗𝒆 𝒔𝒉𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒅 𝒕𝒂𝒌𝒆.

Love is commanded to be sacrificial. The Bible asks the husband to love as Christ loves the Church. We do know that it predisposes the husbandman to love his woman, even if they are as ‘inconsistent’ as the Church would want to be through all ages. This is a serious assignment if you ask me. The demand is not that the wife should necessarily be ‘wife material’ before she can be loved.

𝑺𝒉𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒅 𝒍𝒐𝒗𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒏 𝒃𝒆 𝒔𝒊𝒏𝒈𝒍𝒆-𝒅𝒊𝒓𝒆𝒄𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒂𝒍 𝒐𝒓 𝒎𝒖𝒍𝒕𝒊𝒅𝒊𝒓𝒆𝒄𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒂𝒍?

I know both parties always express love to each other.
If we view from the patience of Christ over the Church and the Yoruba ageless wisdom that it takes patience to be a husband to a woman, we may reason that the onus to love rests more on the husband than the wife.

𝐇𝐎𝐍𝐎𝐔𝐑
𝗞𝗶𝗻𝗱𝗹𝘆 𝗽𝗲𝗿𝗺𝗶𝘁 𝗺𝗲 𝘁𝗼 𝘀𝗮𝘆 𝘂𝗻𝗮𝗺𝗯𝗶𝗴𝘂𝗼𝘂𝘀𝗹𝘆 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝗮𝗴𝗮𝗶𝗻 𝗿𝗲𝘀𝘁𝘀 𝗺𝗼𝗿𝗲 𝘀𝗾𝘂𝗮𝗿𝗲𝗹𝘆 𝗼𝗻 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗵𝘂𝘀𝗯𝗮𝗻𝗱𝗺𝗮𝗻 𝘁𝗼 𝗵𝗼𝗻𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘄𝗶𝗳𝗲 𝗮𝘀 𝗽𝗮𝗿𝘁 𝗼𝗳 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗺𝘂𝗰𝗵 𝘃𝗮𝘂𝗻𝘁𝗲𝗱 𝗽𝗿𝗼𝘁𝗲𝗰𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻 𝗵𝗲 𝗶𝘀 𝗲𝘅𝗽𝗲𝗰𝘁𝗲𝗱 𝘁𝗼 𝗼𝗳𝗳𝗲𝗿.

A man has the responsibility to shield his wife against all external aggression and abuse, including that from close relatives and third parties. The Bible enjoins us to honour them as a weaker vessel, and that the purposes of our prayers are not hindered.

There is a clear difference here between honour and respect.

Part of honouring her is not to respond to provocation outside the home or in the presence of other parties, including the children. Yes, this requires some level of understanding of both the psychological and physiological makeup of women, which may warrant some outbursts, even if they are not deliberately intended.

𝙃𝙤𝙣𝙤𝙪𝙧𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙖 𝙬𝙞𝙛𝙚 𝙛𝙤𝙧𝙩𝙪𝙣𝙖𝙩𝙚𝙡𝙮 𝙗𝙧𝙞𝙣𝙜𝙨 𝙝𝙤𝙣𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙗𝙖𝙘𝙠 𝙩𝙤 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙝𝙪𝙨𝙗𝙖𝙣𝙙.

𝗥𝗘𝗦𝗣𝗘𝗖𝗧
𝑨𝒔 𝑰 𝒐𝒑𝒊𝒏𝒆𝒅 𝒊𝒏 𝒂𝒏 𝒂𝒓𝒕𝒊𝒄𝒍𝒆 𝒆𝒍𝒔𝒆𝒘𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒆, 𝒓𝒆𝒔𝒑𝒆𝒄𝒕 𝒊𝒔 𝒏𝒐𝒕 𝒔𝒍𝒂𝒗𝒆𝒓𝒚.

To respect a person is to accord some dignity to the person based on positions or some other factors that require some deference to the office or standing of the person. If we agree that husbandry is an exalted office, according to the occupant of that ‘office’, the deserved respect is not entirely out of order.

𝑺𝒉𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒅 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒉𝒖𝒔𝒃𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒂𝒍𝒘𝒂𝒚𝒔 𝒂𝒔𝒌 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒓𝒆𝒔𝒑𝒆𝒄𝒕, 𝒐𝒓 𝒔𝒉𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒅 𝒊𝒕 𝒃𝒆 𝒏𝒂𝒕𝒖𝒓𝒂𝒍𝒍𝒚 𝒈𝒊𝒗𝒆𝒏?

This ordinarily should not be a question. However, having heard it many times, the sarcastic response “Do you think that man deserves anything called respect?” I am inclined to seek people’s opinions on that.

𝗜𝘀 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿𝗲 𝗮 𝗺𝗮𝗻/𝗵𝘂𝘀𝗯𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝘄𝗵𝗼 𝗺𝗮𝘆 𝗻𝗼𝘁 𝗱𝗲𝘀𝗲𝗿𝘃𝗲 𝗿𝗲𝘀𝗽𝗲𝗰𝘁?

From the analogy thus far, it seems that it is the responsibility of the husband to love and honour his wife, while the wife respects her husband.

𝑨𝒓𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒔𝒆 𝒓𝒐𝒍𝒆𝒔 𝒐𝒓 𝒇𝒖𝒏𝒄𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔 𝒍𝒊𝒏𝒆𝒂𝒓?

What do I mean here!

Can a wife love, honour, and respect her husband irrespective of his disposition towards her? Conversely, can the husband, regardless of the behaviour of the wife, love, honour, and respect his wife?

While these may appear unnecessary or too rhetorical, if we successfully unbundled them, they can enhance our knowledge and grant us more understanding needed to resolve some perennial conflicts that have become embedded in modern marriages, especially.

𝐒𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐚 𝐰𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧 𝐬𝐚𝐲, “𝐈 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐥 𝐝𝐢𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐧𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐞𝐝” 𝐢𝐧𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐚𝐝 𝐨𝐟 “𝐈 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐥 𝐝𝐢𝐬𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐩𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐞𝐝”?

𝐂𝐚𝐧 𝐚 𝐦𝐚𝐧 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐬𝐚𝐲, “𝐈 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐥 𝐝𝐢𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐧𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐞𝐝”?

Can a wife love her husband, or is she constrained only to respect him?

I do not want to prolong this discourse so that I may round it off here.

In marriage, it would not hurt anyone, perhaps, if both parties can show elements of love, honour and respect to one another. While this may not mean we should ignore our core ‘responsibilities’, it may make for more harmonious living together.

𝐂𝐚𝐧’𝐭 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞, 𝐡𝐨𝐧𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐩𝐞𝐜𝐭 𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐛𝐞 𝐫𝐞𝐜𝐢𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐜𝐚𝐥?

I heard someone asking me, “When will you write about submission in marriages?”

Why not, if the inspiration comes from above?

𝐃𝐨 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐟𝐚𝐯𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐫𝐨𝐥𝐞 𝐫𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐚𝐥 𝐨𝐫 𝐫𝐨𝐥𝐞 𝐫𝐞𝐜𝐢𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐜𝐢𝐭𝐲?

Your thoughts and views are welcome.

©TheVillageBoy.
(The figure man who loves alphabets)