In my last article, ๐๐จ๐ฏ๐, ๐๐จ๐ง๐จ๐ฎ๐ซ ๐๐ง๐ ๐๐๐ฌ๐ฉ๐๐๐ญ ๐๐ง ๐ฆ๐๐ซ๐ซ๐ข๐๐ ๐๐ฌ, I received many profound comments both online and offline. Those comments were so deep that they enhanced my understanding of the article further than I had envisaged.
๐ถ๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐.
A lady has opined that despite the need for love, honour and respect in marriages, the singular most important thing for a sustainable marriage is communication and โcommunication.โ
While I respect her opinion and perspective, I humbly disagree with her conclusion that communication is the most critical factor in keeping a marriage.
My immediate response to her was that communication is a tool in marriage and cannot stand on its own.
๐๐ก๐ฒ ๐๐ข๐ ๐ ๐ฌ๐๐ฒ ๐ฌ๐จ?
One of the primary reasons for my position is that communication can be positive or negative depending on the context and circumstances.
A marriage that is already sapped of love, honour and respect may communicate what may even scatter it further apart.
Some factors determine if communication will be effective. Some of these factors are:
ย What is communicated
ย How it is communicated
ย Who is it communicated to
Tone of communication
Sometimes, the content and tone of communication may render the essence of the message ineffective.
๐ถ๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐, ๐๐ ๐ ๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐.
One of the significant challenges of nonverbal communication is the possibility of its being misinterpreted.
Yet nonverbal communication is deployed mainly in marriages.
Take, for instance, though probably unresearched (not sure), there is incontrovertible evidence that the other gender often deploy nonverbal communication, through the female anatomy to offer irresistible apologies that readily โcaptureโ the Adamic specie.
๐๐ก๐๐ง ๐ฅ๐จ๐ฏ๐ ๐ก๐๐ฌ ๐ ๐จ๐ง๐ ๐ฌ๐จ๐ฎ๐ซ, ๐จ๐ซ ๐ ๐ฆ๐๐ซ๐ซ๐ข๐๐ ๐ ๐ก๐๐ฌ ๐ญ๐ก๐ซ๐จ๐ฐ๐ง ๐ก๐จ๐ง๐จ๐ฎ๐ซ ๐๐ง๐ ๐ซ๐๐ฌ๐ฉ๐๐๐ญ ๐ข๐ง๐ญ๐จ ๐ญ๐ก๐ ๐ ๐๐ซ๐๐๐ ๐ ๐๐๐ ๐ฌ, ๐จ๐ง๐ ๐ฐ๐จ๐ง๐๐๐ซ๐ฌ ๐ฐ๐ก๐๐ญ ๐๐จ๐ฆ๐ฆ๐ฎ๐ง๐ข๐๐๐ญ๐ข๐จ๐ง ๐๐๐ง ๐๐จ ๐ญ๐จ ๐๐ซ๐ข๐ง๐ ๐ข๐ญ ๐๐๐๐ค ๐ญ๐จ ๐ฅ๐ข๐๐.
Yes, if both parties reflect on the journey and the positive aspects of past events, and are willing to reason with each other, then communication may help to rekindle the fire.
Also, suppose communication is open from the beginning of the marriage, with a desire to understand the other party before being understood. In that case, the marriage may not experience erosion, which often leads to resistance from unmanaged irritations.
๐๐ผ๐บ๐บ๐๐ป๐ถ๐ฐ๐ฎ๐๐ถ๐ผ๐ป ๐ถ๐ป ๐บ๐ฎ๐ฟ๐ฟ๐ถ๐ฎ๐ด๐ฒ๐ ๐๐ต๐ฟ๐ถ๐๐ฒ๐ ๐๐ต๐ฒ๐ป ๐๐ต๐ฒ ๐ฎ๐๐บ๐ผ๐๐ฝ๐ต๐ฒ๐ฟ๐ฒ ๐ผ๐ณ ๐๐ต๐ฒ ๐ต๐ผ๐บ๐ฒ ๐ถ๐ ๐๐ฒ๐น๐น ๐ฎ๐ป๐ฐ๐ต๐ผ๐ฟ๐ฒ๐ฑ ๐ผ๐ป ๐น๐ผ๐๐ฒ, ๐ต๐ผ๐ป๐ผ๐๐ฟ ๐ฎ๐ป๐ฑ ๐ฟ๐ฒ๐๐ฝ๐ฒ๐ฐ๐.
Another issue may even be the style of communication.
Let us imagine a well-known satirist who may be so accustomed to that style that they unconsciously use it when communicating with their spouse or family.
If things are normal, it may be gently corrected or offence not taken, based on the understanding that the other party is naturally a satirist.
During a recent family conversation, I commented, and my boys warned me that I was being sarcastic. They were right!. If the atmosphere were not conducive, that would have generated bad blood, which may lead to a crisis.
The import of that experience is that if the atmosphere is right with dosages of love, honour and respect, a miscommunication is easily corrected with no party feeling offended.
The converse is the case; no matter how strong the communication might be, it may not affect the receiver whose love has been eroded by a series of unpalatable events.
๐พ๐๐ ๐ ๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐?
Knowing the love language of our spouse (emphasis on LOVE) enables us to communicate effectively, ensuring clarity in understanding.
When it comes to marriages, love is central, but it also functions better when accompanied by honour and respect. These foster understanding, and when they function well, they make communication much easier.
We often make an exception for genuine love. When this is further strengthened by honour and respect, even in disagreement (which is inevitable), communication enables us to express our misgivings without going to โa civil warโ.
Irreconcilable differences between couples often contribute to the breakdown of love, honour, and respect, which may lead to โmiscommunicationโ as the mind is already โclosedโ to whatever the other is saying or trying to say.
There is a higher chance that a spouse who feels honoured and respected, without doubting the other spouse’s love, will be easier to communicate with. Sometimes, a once familiar voice can become an irritant when the ingredients for sustainability are missing.
We can communicate all we want, but if no love, honour, and respect remain, we will be like sounding cymbals that are making dissonant noise in our ears.
Your thoughts and views are welcome.
ยฉTheVillageBoy.
(The figure man who loves alphabets)