It has been quite a while here!
I was having a conversation with a first-time pregnant lady the other day. She was expressing subtle frustration with certain behaviours of her husband. I listened intensively to her and empathized with her.
๐๐ก๐๐ง ๐ข๐ญ ๐๐๐ฐ๐ง๐๐ ๐จ๐ง ๐ฆ๐ ๐๐ ๐๐ข๐ง ๐ญ๐ก๐๐ญ ๐ญ๐ก๐ ๐ฆ๐๐ง ๐ฆ๐๐ฒ ๐ง๐จ๐ญ ๐๐ฏ๐๐ง ๐๐ ๐๐ญ ๐๐๐ฎ๐ฅ๐ญ.
Please hear me out.
I tried a little to explain to the lady that the man may not understand some of these โcomplicationsโ that come with pregnancy. She did not outrightly agree with my argument, believing that a man who is mature enough to marry a woman should understand some basic things, including behavioural patterns during pregnancy.
I was not in the mood to argue with her, but I told her that no one can give what he does not have.
๐๐ ๐ฒ๐จ๐ฎ ๐ก๐๐ฏ๐ ๐๐จ๐ฅ๐ฅ๐จ๐ฐ๐๐ ๐ฆ๐ ๐ฐ๐๐ฅ๐ฅ ๐๐ง๐จ๐ฎ๐ ๐ก ๐ก๐๐ซ๐, ๐ ๐ก๐๐ฏ๐ ๐๐๐ฏ๐จ๐๐๐ญ๐๐ ๐๐จ๐ซ ๐ฆ๐จ๐ซ๐ ๐๐๐ฅ๐ข๐๐๐ซ๐๐ญ๐ ๐ญ๐ซ๐๐ข๐ง๐ข๐ง๐ ๐จ๐ซ ๐ ๐ซ๐จ๐จ๐ฆ๐ข๐ง๐ ๐๐จ๐ซ ๐ญ๐ก๐ ๐๐จ๐ฒ ๐๐ก๐ข๐ฅ๐ ๐๐๐๐จ๐ซ๐ ๐ก๐ ๐ข๐ฌ โ๐ญ๐ก๐ซ๐ฎ๐ฌ๐ญโ ๐จ๐ฎ๐ญ ๐ญ๐ก๐๐ซ๐ ๐ญ๐จ ๐ ๐ฐ๐๐ฅ๐ฅ-๐ฉ๐ซ๐๐ฉ๐๐ซ๐๐ ๐๐ซ๐ข๐๐. ๐๐จ๐ฆ๐ ๐ก๐๐ฏ๐ ๐ซ๐๐ฌ๐ฉ๐จ๐ง๐๐๐ ๐ฐ๐ข๐ญ๐ก ๐๐๐๐ฉ๐๐ซ ๐ข๐ง๐ฌ๐ข๐ ๐ก๐ญ๐ฌ ๐ญ๐ก๐๐ง ๐ ๐จ๐ซ๐ข๐ ๐ข๐ง๐๐ฅ๐ฅ๐ฒ ๐ฌ๐ก๐๐ซ๐๐, ๐ข๐ง๐๐ข๐๐๐ญ๐ข๐ง๐ ๐ญ๐ก๐๐ญ ๐ข๐ญ ๐ข๐ฌ ๐๐ง ๐ข๐ฌ๐ฌ๐ฎ๐ ๐ญ๐ก๐๐ญ ๐ญ๐ซ๐จ๐ฎ๐๐ฅ๐๐ฌ ๐ฆ๐๐ง๐ฒ, ๐๐ฎ๐ญ ๐จ๐ง๐ฅ๐ฒ ๐ ๐๐๐ฐ ๐๐ซ๐ ๐๐จ๐ฅ๐ ๐๐ง๐จ๐ฎ๐ ๐ก ๐ญ๐จ ๐ฌ๐ฉ๐๐๐ค ๐๐๐จ๐ฎ๐ญ ๐ข๐ญ.
๐ณ๐๐ ๐๐ ๐ ๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐.
There are a whole lot of physiological changes that accompany pregnancy. It even varies from one pregnancy to another with the same woman, not to mention between different women.
๐๐จ๐ฆ๐ ๐จ๐ ๐ญ๐ก๐๐ฌ๐ ๐๐ก๐๐ง๐ ๐๐ฌ ๐ฆ๐๐ฒ ๐ข๐ง๐๐ฅ๐ฎ๐๐:
๐๐ง๐๐จ๐๐ซ๐ข๐ง๐
๐๐๐ซ๐๐ข๐จ๐ฏ๐๐ฌ๐๐ฎ๐ฅ๐๐ซ
๐๐๐ฌ๐ฉ๐ข๐ซ๐๐ญ๐จ๐ซ๐ฒ
๐๐๐ฆ๐๐ญ๐จ๐ฅ๐จ๐ ๐ข๐
๐๐๐ง๐๐ฅ
๐๐๐ฌ๐ญ๐ซ๐จ๐ข๐ง๐ญ๐๐ฌ๐ญ๐ข๐ง๐๐ฅ
๐๐ง๐ญ๐๐ ๐ฎ๐ฆ๐๐ง๐ญ๐๐ซ๐ฒ
Each of these may lead to some behavioural patterns, including changing cravings, which may be very frustrating to a man who is experiencing first pregnancy after marriage.
๐๐ข๐ง๐๐ ๐ ๐๐ฆ ๐ง๐จ๐ญ ๐ ๐ฆ๐๐๐ข๐๐๐ฅ ๐ฉ๐ซ๐๐๐ญ๐ข๐ญ๐ข๐จ๐ง๐๐ซ, ๐ ๐ฆ๐๐ฒ ๐ง๐จ๐ญ ๐๐ ๐๐๐ฅ๐ ๐ญ๐จ ๐ฌ๐ฉ๐๐๐ค ๐ฉ๐ซ๐จ๐๐๐ฌ๐ฌ๐ข๐จ๐ง๐๐ฅ๐ฅ๐ฒ ๐๐๐จ๐ฎ๐ญ ๐ญ๐ก๐ ๐ญ๐ก๐ข๐ง๐ ๐ฌ ๐ฆ๐๐ง๐ญ๐ข๐จ๐ง๐๐ ๐๐๐จ๐ฏ๐. ๐๐จ๐ฐ๐๐ฏ๐๐ซ, ๐๐ซ๐จ๐ฆ ๐ ๐ฅ๐ข๐ฏ๐๐-๐๐ฑ๐ฉ๐๐ซ๐ข๐๐ง๐๐ ๐ฉ๐๐ซ๐ฌ๐ฉ๐๐๐ญ๐ข๐ฏ๐, ๐ญ๐ก๐๐ฌ๐ ๐๐ซ๐ ๐ข๐ฌ๐ฌ๐ฎ๐๐ฌ ๐ฆ๐๐ง๐ฒ ๐ก๐ฎ๐ฌ๐๐๐ง๐๐ฌ ๐๐ซ๐ ๐ฌ๐ข๐ฆ๐ฉ๐ฅ๐ฒ ๐ข๐ ๐ง๐จ๐ซ๐๐ง๐ญ ๐จ๐.
When pregnancy is confirmed, with its attendant joy and excitement, antenatal care registration is usually recommended. In certain circumstances, the husband accompanies the woman to register; in others, the burden falls solely on the woman. Many husbands believe that once the funds are made available, they are truly done.
๐๐ ๐๐ข๐ง, ๐ญ๐ก๐ ๐ฅ๐๐ญ๐ญ๐๐ซ ๐ฉ๐๐ญ๐ญ๐๐ซ๐ง ๐ข๐ฌ ๐๐จ๐ซ๐ง๐ ๐จ๐ฎ๐ญ ๐จ๐ ๐ข๐ ๐ง๐จ๐ซ๐๐ง๐๐ ๐จ๐ซ ๐๐ง ๐๐ฑ๐ญ๐ซ๐๐ฆ๐ ๐ฉ๐๐ญ๐ซ๐ข๐๐ซ๐๐ก๐๐ฅ ๐๐ ๐จ ๐ญ๐ก๐๐ญ ๐ฌ๐๐๐ฆ๐ฌ ๐ญ๐จ ๐ฌ๐ข๐ญ๐ฎ๐๐ญ๐ ๐ซ๐๐ฌ๐ฉ๐จ๐ง๐ฌ๐ข๐๐ข๐ฅ๐ข๐ญ๐ฒ ๐ฌ๐ช๐ฎ๐๐ซ๐๐ฅ๐ฒ ๐จ๐ง ๐ญ๐ก๐ ๐๐๐ข๐ฅ๐ข๐ญ๐ฒ ๐ญ๐จ ๐ฉ๐ซ๐จ๐ฏ๐ข๐๐ ๐๐ข๐ง๐๐ง๐๐ข๐๐ฅ ๐ฌ๐ฎ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐จ๐ซ๐ญ ๐จ๐ซ ๐๐๐๐ค๐๐จ๐ง๐. ๐๐ก๐ ๐ฉ๐ซ๐จ๐ฏ๐ข๐๐๐ซ ๐ฆ๐๐ง๐ญ๐๐ฅ๐ข๐ญ๐ฒ ๐ญ๐ก๐๐ญ ๐ข๐ฌ ๐๐๐ฌ๐ญ ๐๐๐๐จ๐ฆ๐ข๐ง๐ ๐๐ซ๐๐ก๐๐ข๐ ๐๐ง๐ ๐ฎ๐ง๐ซ๐๐๐ฅ๐ข๐ฌ๐ญ๐ข๐.
So in such instances, men who have no clue about these changes usually complain, and some become deliberately absent from home most times to catch some rest from the โburdensomeโ demands of their pregnant wife.
In a traditional setup, especially in Black Africa, the communal lifestyle may have bridged this gap for a long time, which closes our eyes to its challenges and necessities. However, economic migration (internal and external) has eroded that unique opportunity, and therefore, a tension we pretend does not exist rears its ugly head.
๐๐จ๐ฐ ๐๐จ ๐ฐ๐ ๐๐๐๐ซ๐๐ฌ๐ฌ ๐ญ๐ก๐ข๐ฌ ๐ข๐ฌ๐ฌ๐ฎ๐, ๐ฐ๐ก๐ข๐๐ก ๐ข๐ฌ ๐๐๐ฌ๐ญ ๐๐๐๐จ๐ฆ๐ข๐ง๐ ๐ ๐๐ข๐ ๐๐ฅ๐๐ฉ๐ก๐๐ง๐ญ ๐ข๐ง ๐ญ๐ก๐ ๐ซ๐จ๐จ๐ฆ?
There are two ways we can address it.
1. Make the initial antenatal for pregnant women compulsory for the husband to attend. It should not just be about providing for registration. The men should be tutored on these changes, their expected roles, and their responses, to make it easier for the women.
2. In case the above is not feasible, each clinic and hospital should have a separate provision for men to register for, and it should be compulsory where they are taught how to take care of pregnant women.
๐๐ก๐๐ญ ๐ข๐ ๐ญ๐ก๐ ๐ฆ๐๐ง ๐ซ๐๐๐ฎ๐ฌ๐๐ ๐ญ๐จ ๐๐ญ๐ญ๐๐ง๐ ๐๐ข๐ญ๐ก๐๐ซ ๐จ๐ ๐ญ๐ก๐๐ฌ๐?
While this question may sound rhetorical, it is something not beyond men to do. My immediate thought will be to make it somehow legal and punishable if there is any refusal to attend. (More opinions will be required here, please.)
๐๐ซ๐๐ ๐ง๐๐ง๐๐ฒ ๐๐ซ๐ข๐ง๐ ๐ฌ ๐ฌ๐ฎ๐๐๐ข๐๐ข๐๐ง๐ญ ๐๐ฎ๐ซ๐๐๐ง๐ฌ ๐๐ง๐ ๐ข๐ง๐๐จ๐ง๐ฏ๐๐ง๐ข๐๐ง๐๐๐ฌ ๐ญ๐ก๐๐ญ ๐๐จ๐ฉ๐ข๐ง๐ ๐ฐ๐ข๐ญ๐ก ๐๐ง ๐ข๐ ๐ง๐จ๐ซ๐๐ง๐ญ ๐ก๐ฎ๐ฌ๐๐๐ง๐ ๐ฌ๐ก๐จ๐ฎ๐ฅ๐ ๐ง๐จ๐ญ ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐ญ๐จ ๐ญ๐ก๐ ๐๐ฅ๐ซ๐๐๐๐ฒ ๐๐ก๐จ๐ค๐ข๐ง๐ ๐ฌ๐ข๐ญ๐ฎ๐๐ญ๐ข๐จ๐ง๐ฌ.
Before I conclude, I can imagine someone asking, “What if the husband is not residing with the wife?”ย Or โwhat if the pregnancy is denied?โ
๐๐ก๐ข๐ฅ๐ ๐๐๐ค๐ง๐จ๐ฐ๐ฅ๐๐๐ ๐ข๐ง๐ ๐ญ๐ก๐๐ญ ๐ญ๐ก๐๐ฌ๐ ๐ค๐ข๐ง๐๐ฌ ๐จ๐ ๐ฌ๐ข๐ญ๐ฎ๐๐ญ๐ข๐จ๐ง๐ฌ ๐ฐ๐ข๐ฅ๐ฅ ๐๐ฅ๐ฐ๐๐ฒ๐ฌ ๐๐ ๐ญ๐ก๐๐ซ๐, ๐ญ๐ก๐๐ฒ ๐ฌ๐ก๐จ๐ฎ๐ฅ๐ ๐ซ๐๐ฆ๐๐ข๐ง ๐๐ฑ๐๐๐ฉ๐ญ๐ข๐จ๐ง๐ฌ, ๐ง๐จ๐ญ ๐ญ๐ก๐ ๐ซ๐ฎ๐ฅ๐.
Do you think antenatal for โexpectingโ fathers will be worth their while?
Your thoughts and views are welcome.
ยฉTheVillageBoy.